Friday, October 18th, 2024

Friday October 18th, 2024  Why am I friends with extroverts. It’s exhausting. I love my friend. She’s great, but she’s always doing something. It feels like every day she ask if people want to go to dinner together, and I usually don’t. And when I flat out say no she get’s all guilt trippy. Making excuses is exhausting and I’m tired.
  And dinners with her can be really exhausting, and I can never gauge it. Sometimes it’s like five people. Other times it’s like twelve. And five is pushing my social battery.
  In other news I’ve started working on little booklets to sell at an upcoming craft fair. They’re practice books for Chinese and Japanese.
  I’ve also started working on another story idea. I go through a lot of these.
  It’s themes are mostly about femininity, and reflecting on my own experience with it. Things like the Not Like Other Girls trope, how we understand strong women, and all of this in a fantasy context so I can make an entire system of thread magic.
  The MC is named Elaine. She’s from a noble family, where the concept of knight hood and serving the royal family in a military capacity is highly prized. Her family discourages her from being ‘too feminine’ so she isn’t shoe horned in with the rest of the young ladies.
  She attends the Knights Academy when she is old enough. There she’s know and crule, mean, and a stick in the mud. Kind of the ice queen trope.
  Eventually she get’s kicked out because she’s accused of dark magic. But special chosen one girl sticks up for her. Put a pin in that.
  She get’s sent to a monastery dedicated to the goddess Tizva, a god of fiber arts.
  She get’s character development, chills out, and learns thread magic.
  The last arc she is sent out on a mudane quest like thing. Reunites with some of her peers from the acadmey, and solve the over arching plot.
  Orginally I was going to make this a comic
  But my friend suggested I make some stuff for tik tok.
  So I might do that too.

Thursday, October 3rd, 2024

  Fuck, I’m tired.
  Look, calc is hard as shit. Stupid trig substituiton and fucking powers of trig. I don’t know why I’m so bad at them, I just am. I’m going to my professor’s office hours tomarrow. I don’t know, I’m exausted. I’ve been crying over it a lot this week. When I can’t do stuff, I feel fustrated, and when I feel fustrated I feel stupid. And then I cry. Okay, that stupid expands out into a lot of other negitive self talk, but that’s the gist of it.
  I know people say I should remove myself from the situation, take time and space to come out of the anxiety.
  And like, I can. But it last, what 2-3 minutes. Then I have to go back to the thing making me anxious. And I can’t just ignore it. Then I get anxious about the thing I’m ignoring. Back to square fucking one.
  I did learn how to say “The things that make me anxious” in Chinese class today. 紧张的东西。
  So 紧张的东西是考试 is “the stuff than makes me anxious are test. And 紧张的东西是数学 is “the stuff that makes me anxious are math”.
  speaking of things that make me anxious. Phone calls. They’re awful. I had to make one yesterday to find out if I still have medical insurance. Which I do. So that’s good.
  So, to reacp. I’m tired. I’m anxious.
  Better news. I’ve got some people together for a DnD campiagn. It’s based off of studio ghibli, so that’ll be fun. Session 0 is on Sunday.

Sunday, 9/29/2024

  So the weather the past few days have been just awful. It’s been misty for like three days, which makes going outside awful. Instead of being able to hind under an umbrella the water kinda just soaks in like if you were a sponge walking through a world of suspend water droplets.
  Other than a quick trip to the grocery store on Saturday I’ve been trying to stay inside. Not difficult, but still. My friends and I started Agatha All Along yesterday. We watched the first two last night, and are going to watch the third one tonight.
  I’m loving The Ballad of Witches’ Road from the second episode. I’ve been listening to it on repeat all day. I really like these newer works from marvel. People shit on them, and I think it’s completely unwarranted. Early MCU wasn’t nearly as great as people taut it to be. Most character were fairly boring in combat, arcs were re-set for every movie, and so much of the conflict came from characters, hero and villains, being in desperate need of therapy and/ or better communication.
  Like the Marvels and Black Widow were amazing and highlight what I love in movies. Beautiful combat, character driven story, emotional depth.
  Homework was light this weekend. I should probably do a few more math problems, but I’ve got two quizzes tomorrow that I’m not looking forward too.